Trumpas paaiškinamasis bendravimo žodynelis tarp viršininko-pavaldinio


STAIGIAIBLIA - maksimaliai greitai vykdytina užduotis (Paprastai sutampa su fiziniu galimybiu riba).

GREITAIBLIA - logine darbo skubos motyvacija (Nuo "STAIGIAIBLIA" skiriasi tik tuo, kad darbui atlikti turite dar keliolika minuciu).

KURBLIA - delikatus priminimas, kad laikas, skirtas darbui atlikti, išseko.

UŽMUÐIUBLIA - žodis, pavaldiniui paaiškinantis apie darbo neivykdymo pasekmes (Dažniausiai vartojamas po keliu "KURBLIA").

NUVISKASBLIA - universalus terminas. Dažniausiai vartojamas norint pavaldini informuoti, kas šis jau nebespejo laiku atlikti užduoties.
Priklausomai nuo viršininko nuotaikos šis terminas gali tureti ir papildomu prasmiu: premijos nubraukima, papeikima, išmetima iš darbo.
Taciau kartais šis terminas vartojamas norint pavaldiniams pranešti, Kad viršininkas tiesiog eina namo.
Ypac retai šis terminas reiškia, kad firma bankrutavo.

KASPERÐ. - dažniausiai reiškia pavaldinio darbo ivertinima.
Kartais - tai, jog viršininkas pastebejo, kad darbo metu pavaldinys susirašineja su kažkuo elektroniniu paštu.

KURBABKESBLIA - dažniausiai reiškia sutrikima firmos vadybos marketingo skyriuje. Išimtinais atvejais ji reiškia, kad užsakovu pinigu pervedimas veluoja.

RYTOJBLIA - universalus viršininko atsakymas i kiekviena pavaldinio prašyma. Kasdienis "RYTOJBLIA" stiprina pavaldiniu tikejima, kad viršininkas - principingas žmogus ir kad firma yra stabili.

DUNDUKAIBLIA - tai visada reiškia, kad prasidejo gamybinis susirinkimas. Paprastai kai i pavaldinius kreipiamasi šiuo terminu, i kiekviena ju paeiliui ibedamas nešvelnus viršininko žvilgsnis.

NEGINEDZIN - šiuo terminu pavaldinys informuojamas apie tai, kad jo klausimas, skundas ar pageidavimas pasakytas ne laiku ir kad pavaldinys pernelyg smalsus.

KOÈIABLIASEDI - terminas turi kelias reikšmes: 1. Reiškia, kad viršininkas užsiemes ir netures laiko išklausyti pavaldinio;
2.Optimalus atsakymas žemesnio rango viršininkui, atejusiam pasiskusti del savo pavaldiniu ar pernelyg didelio darbo kruvio.

NUBLIA - dažniausiai reiškia pasitenkinima pavaldinio darbu ir kiekvienam pavaldiniui dera reaguoti i ji kaip i pagyrima (Vartojamas itin retai).

EIKTUŽINAIKURBLIA - reiškia, kad firma neturi galimybiu išleisti viena ar kita pavaldini atostogu, suteikti jam paskola ar išmoketi premija (Dažniausiai nuskamba ta pacia diena, kaip ir terminas "KURBABKESBLIA").

NEIÐPROTEKBLIA - reiškia, kad pavaldinio norai visai nekuklus.

Laisvo elgesio moteris,nusprende mesti prostitutes darba ir susikurti seima.Susipazysta su vyriskiu,draugyste isibegejo,eina reikalas prie pirmos nakties kartu.Moteris kad vyriskiui nekiltu jokiu ytarimu ir klausimu sako:
-Zinai kai as buvau jauna,nukritau nuo tvoros ir uzkibau su ta vieta,tai jei tau pasirodys truputi ten laisva ,tai cia del to.
Na ir uzsieme jie sexu,valanda praejo,antra,vyriskis be jegu nusivercia nuo jos ir klausia:
-Klausyk,o kaip tu toli buvai nuejusi nuo tvoros kai pastebejai kad tu uzsikabinusi buvai.

Way We Love CHILDREN!

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked him. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.” She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs, too.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thogth it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress, and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?” The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a b*tch to iron.”

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my tree year-old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” “I know” she replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, “…and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling!” The teacher then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!’” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Neseniai girdejau šita anekdota per tv, man toks neblogas pasirode:

Mentai sustabdo Vycka už greicio viršijima ir jau rašys protokola, o Vycka sako:
- Paleiskit mane vyrai aš visus pažistu
mentai: negali buti
Vycka: na važiuojam pas Uspaskicha, aš su juo išgersiu po 100g
Nuvažiavo, išgere, bet mentai vistiek netiki ir sako:
Ka dar pažisti?
Vycka: Važiuojam pas Brazauska, aš ir su juo išgersiu
Nuvažiavo, išgere, mentai vistiek nepatenkinti:
O užsienyje ka nors pažisti?
Sakau kad visus pažistu - atkerta Vycka
Mentai sako: na gerai, jei nuvažiuosim pas popiežiu ir tu pamuojuosi kartu su juo iš balkono tada tikrai paleisim
Kaip tare taip ir padare
Vycka nuejo pas popiežiu ir kartu pamojavo iš balkonelio.
Grižo Vycka pas mentus, žiuri vienas guli be samones:
O tai kas tam atsitiko?
Mentas sako: Kol tu ten mojavai prie musu priejo Maiklas Džeksonas ir paklause - kas ten su Vycka mojuoja?.

Kadangi tai "oficialus" dokumentas, pateikiu ji neversta (juolab, kad jis ir neišverciamas)

INFO

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty_s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!

Sunus klausia tevo bankininko,is kur pas juos nauja jachta,naujas "mersas",juk pinigai tai klientu
Tevas atsako:
- Atnesk suneli is saldytuvo lasiniu.
Sunus atnesa.
-O dabar nunesk atgal.Sunus nunesa atgal ir grista nieko nesuprates.
-Na ir kas?
Tevas parodo savo pirstus
-O pirstai tai riebaluoti.